I told her that either way I would understand; it’s her day, not mine.
She messaged me tonight, asking if I’d like to attend her wedding, adding that I’m invited, but not my fiance or my children.
I’ve never felt comfortable around her other friends, as she behaves very differently around them. (This behavior is what has caused us to fall out multiple times.)
Now I don’t know whether I should attend. On the one hand, I’d like to be there, because we’ve known each other since the first grade. I love her family, but I’m worried I’ll receive the same treatment from her and her friends that I have experienced before.
NOT going might be better than going. I wouldn’t want to go and then regret it.
However, I appreciate that she got over her pride and invited me.
What do I do? What should I say?
I don’t want to hurt her, but I also feel like after the last falling-out, we’ll never be close again.
AB in Illinois: Your friend has been open about her reluctance to have you attend her wedding. Her reluctance has been underscored by the ungracious way she extended the invitation, and the parameters she has imposed.
Additionally, you don’t really want to go.
I’d call that a mutual parting of the ways.
You do not need to bring the hammer down on this friendship, because it is quite obviously waning. You could respond, “I’m so happy for you; I know this will be a wonderful celebration. I appreciate the invitation, but unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it. I’ll be thinking of you on the big day.”
Dear Amy: One of my daughters got married last November.
My other daughter is getting married this November.
Can I wear the same dress to this wedding that I wore to last year’s wedding?
MOB X 2: You can wear whatever you want to wear, as long as you feel good about how you look.
However, before wearing the same dress to this daughter’s wedding, you should carefully think it through and talk it over with the prospective bride.
Weddings last for part of a day, but the wedding photos last forever. Try to envision how you would perceive the pictures of each daughter’s wedding over time. Would you feel at all self-conscious — after the fact — about essentially looking exactly the same in the two sets of photos, taken at different occasions, a year apart?
You might be able to alter your look by adding a shawl or a dressy coat over your favorite dress.
Dear Amy: I’m writing in response to your answer to “Lost,” the granddaughter whose grandmother was now in hospice care but a rift in the family had many family members unaware of the grandmother’s status.
A very valuable resource is the hospice program. All hospices are required to have both social workers and bereavement counselors. Contacting them (this can be done through the nurse or directly through