We're Separated And My Spouse Has Stopped Wearing His Wedding Ring. Mine Still Means Something To Me

One of the things that people who don't want to separate with their spouse are trying to avoid are questions that they don't know how to answer. They will often dread people asking them about the state of their marriage or whether or not they are going to get a divorce. They don't know the answers to these questions and they don't really want to think about them too deeply, or even to talk about them.

One symbol that puts these feelings and conflicts into sharp focus is that of wedding rings. Many people believe that you should still wear them. I am one of these people. My opinion on this is that when you are separated, you are still married. And married people wear wedding rings. I believe that there's a reason that the couple are separated and not divorced and should therefore act accordingly.

Not everyone agrees with me though. Some people remove their ring as soon as they declare themselves separated or have moved out. They feel that wearing it isn't being authentic and they don't want to pretend that things are fine when they are not.

This can lead to conflict when the spouses feel very differently on this topic. Someone might explain: "I have no intentions of taking off my wedding ring but my husband has already removed his and it breaks my heart. I worry that this means that he is going to be looking for other women during our separation or that he does not consider himself truly married anymore. I have mentioned these things to him, but he says that I am over reacting. He says that he just doesn't feel like wearing his. I don't understand this. I could never take mine off .I sometimes find him staring at mine, as if he wishes he could ask me to take it off. I don't want to remove it because of what it represents to me. I am still hopeful that we will one day reconcile. And I don't want to invite people to ask me questions about why I am not wearing it. I have no idea how I would answer those questions anyway. Plus, it is no one's business. Is there any rule about whether or not you should wear your ring when separated? "

I don't know of any rules. Most couples just decide on this based on how they feel at the time. I understand why you are upset. You feel that your husband not wanting to wear his ring is very telling in terms of his intentions. You could be right about this, but I would not panic. People's feelings can change over the course of a separation. And, not every one wears their ring all of the time.

To be honest, there are times when I do not wear my ring even though my husband and I have been reconciled for a while. It has nothing to do with my feelings about my marriage. I do …